BackWho you’re talking to dictates what you say. Review our Communication Styles if you haven’t already. And remember: These examples show communication skills, and do not indicate correct or incorrect viewpoints.
Choose the communication style of the person you’re speaking to:
If you hear them say…
“All this talk about crime is making me nervous.”
👍 Try this…
“I’m sorry we’re stressing you out. We can stop pretty soon.”
- Acknowledge their feelings and be willing to meet them halfway.
👎 Avoid this…
“This is not about you. It’s about people who are afraid of the police because of their life experience.”
- Don’t dismiss the Peacekeeper’s concerns and don't try to enlighten them.
If you hear them say…
“Why are you always picking on your brother's point of view?”
👍 Try this…
“I’m really curious about where he’s coming from on that. That’s why I’m asking these questions.”
- Distinguish between nasty arguments and genuine efforts to understand.
👎 Avoid this…
“Why are you defending him all the time?”
- Peacekeepers are already worried about awkward fights. Escalating will put them even more on guard.
If you hear them say…
“I was hoping for a calm dinner without any fighting.”
👍 Try this…
“Sure. We can talk about this another time.”
- Pick up the conversation with other family members individually at a later time.
👎 Avoid this…
“Why are you so afraid of these conversations?”
- Peacekeepers will try to cut off hard conversations to protect people. Reassure them without getting defensive.
How to Keep the Conversation Going