BackWho you’re talking to dictates what you say. Review our Communication Styles if you haven’t already. And remember: These examples show communication skills, and do not indicate correct or incorrect viewpoints.
Choose the communication style of the person you’re speaking to:
If you hear them say…
“The problem with crime is criminals, and the answer is more police to stop them. It’s crazy to talk about defunding the police.”
👍 Try this…
“I agree that we need police to protect us. I just think the solution is bigger than just adding more officers.”
- Find something to agree on and then add to it rather than opening with a direct contradiction.
👎 Avoid this…
“The police are not the solution — they’re the problem.”
- Connect on an area of agreement first before voicing your view. Avoid responding to dogmatic statements with your own dogmatic statements.
If you hear them say…
“The ‘bad apple’ argument is nonsense. The whole policing system is rotten.”
👍 Try this…
“I agree that we need to consider bigger changes to policing. I have police friends who would agree with that. The challenge is how to make changes that help and don’t undermine policing.”
- Find areas of agreement and use personal experiences to explain where you see things differently.
👎 Avoid this…
“Well, some of your fellow liberals want to take police off the street.”
- Don’t generalize about other people in their political party.
If you hear them say…
“Can you see that the liberal media has duped you into thinking that all police are bad? I have police officers in my family and they are wonderful people.”
👍 Try this…
“I get that you’re really bothered by how the police are being portrayed by the media, and I agree the coverage leaves out a lot of nuance. I also want to be clear that I think there are good cops and bad cops, just like in any profession.”
- Acknowledge their view, find something to agree with, and then clarify your view. Don’t stay in the conversation if the Gladiator continues their personal attacks.
👎 Avoid this…
“Sounds like you’ve been watching Fox News day and night.”
- Don’t respond arrogantly to arrogance. Things will deteriorate from there.
Additional communication styles...